Fade To Black (2006)

Atmospheric and lively, this contemporary noir revolves around Orson Welles as he acts in an Italian production, filming in Rome, while getting involved with a murderous plot. The narration, from Welles' perspective, immediately provides a real-life context for his character; his post-Kane fame (or infamy) has dwindled, and, although he can get jobs in these foreign co-productions, his Hollywood standing has long since been eclipsed by his former wife, Rita Hayworth, whose posters for Gilda are omnipresent even before Welles leaves the Roman airport. However, the Hollywood in-jokes, thankfully, do not permeate the picture, and soon after Welles exhibits some of his trademark magician's panache, bodies begin to pile up and the mystery becomes the focus of the plot; even before he is directly implicated as a possibile victim, Welles, disillusioned with both his career and the film he is making (humorous scenes show him, almost offhandedly, directing the film himself, as the hapless director can only nod in awe), sees it as a neccessity to get involved with the case in a sleuthing capacity. His driver, formerly a local policeman, assists him as they get deeper and deeper into the politics that may, or may not, have instigated these murders.

For a movie that was ignored in the U.S. the way it was, the film has a surprisingly prolific cast, who all turn in strong, invisible work. Diego Luna, of whom I am not a large fan, makes an intelligent and, surprisingly, tough sidekick, whose reserved demeanor provides a pleasant contrast from Welles verbal showmanship. Paz Vega, as the lead actress of Welles' film, makes for a gorgeous, mysterious femme fatale, while Christopher Walken is subdued, yet enigmatic as a CIA agent friend of Welles. But as Welles himself, Danny Huston turns in some of the best work I've seen from him, and carries the film on his shoulders. He is given the remarkable task of not only filling the shoes of one of the most identifiable and public figures of classic Hollywood, but also maintaining his role as an audience surrogate for the mystery plot, and he is more than up to the task. No doubt somewhat due to his father's relationship with Welles, he is thoroughly familiar with his verbal candor, his fierce, tactile intelligence, and, most of all, his undying cheekiness; we do not wonder, for a second, why this huge movie star is so weilling to put everything else aside and let the amateur detective in him take over. We discover the twists and turns of the local political history and intrigue through his eyes, which, like us, are far more concerned with entertainment and American expat bluster than the dismal state of post-WWII Italian infrastructure. His performance makes the character a larger-than-life, pretentious, yet naturally realized and open-minded protagonist that makes investigating the crimes at hand, with him as a surrogate, a delight.

Recommended for fans of the cast, especially Danny Huston, Orson Welles (who is both revered and nudge-nudgingly lampooned in the film), or foreign-set noirs, such as The Third Man, which this film, clearly, homages.

Panic (2000)

Low-key hitman mid-life crisis film about an assassin who tenuously begins relationships with therapy and a young, volatile bisexual. This is not a huge budget film, but the actors make the dialogue and relationships sing; William H. Macy and Donald Sutherland, as the hitman and his gangster father, have a pitch-perfect dynamic, and the better parts of the film are concerned with their strained relationship, and Macy's repressed conscience. The therapy sessions, with John Ritter as the befuddled shrink, are not as provocative as similar setups in Grosse Point Blank or The Sopranos, but they have an effortless charm due to Macy's deadpan delivery and Ritter's constant discomfort toward his role as a sort-of accomplice to murder. Macy's home life, with Tracy Ullman as his wife and their grade school son, is well-presented as average, but warm, and several scenes with Macy relating to his son at his bedside achieve a surprising amount of poignance. However, the central love story, with a tick-filled, neurotic performance by Neve Campbell as a flighty 23-year old who is attracted to Macy, falls flat, is devoid of logic or chemistry, and does not have the maturity and oddball tone of the rest of the film; their banter is the kind of juvenile narcissism the rest of the dialogue would acknowledge only in jest. Luckily, the film is not as dependent on the romance angle as I worried it might have been, and the other relationships in the film are well-defined and presented enough that they balance out the missteps with Campbell's character.

Recommended for fans of Macy, Sutherland, or of similar hitman dramedies like Jerry & Tom or Analyze This. I remember this one premiering on cable (Cinemax I think) back in the day; while I see how this got swept under the rug in lieu of Analyze This and The Sopranos, it is breezy, yet distinctive enough to be worth seeking out.

Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever (2008)

An alright, but deeply flawed sequel to Eli Roth's dastardly original that keeps a high school prom full of people in an infected area. The intro, like the one in Hostel Part II, fills in the details as to the fate of the previous films protaganist (let's just say Rider Strong does not deserve really top billing), and then we meet our real protagonist, a high schooler with a crush on his lifelong friend and a Clark Duke acting-and-looking sidekick, who is admittedly a fairly funny character. The evil water that capped the kids in the first one is bottled and shipped out to a local high school about to have its senior prom (don't drink the punch!!). It's not the freshest material I've ever seen, but director Ti West, following up his phenomenal House of the Devil, turns this for-hire gig into a showcase for some hilarious visuals and surprisingly straight moments; it's never achieves the same level of utter claustrophobic terror the first one did, but it is significantly better than your average DTV horror sequel (the From Dusk Till Dawn ones remain the best). One of the better choices in the film was to give the deputy character, played by Giuseppe Andrews, more of a presence throughout, and he has several terrific hick-humor scenes with some hilarious people (including Mark Borchardt!). It's really the abrupt, and terribly out of place, ending that sinks the movie; I believe Ti West was fired at some point for some reason, and it shows in the way the film quickly wraps things up and then has a pointless epilogue that seems to just be there to kill time. It hurts, because up until that point the film was in the makings to be a fairly legit sequel, taking the original's set up into a fresh direction, instead of basically a really cool Masters of Horror episode (which I think Ti West is more than capable of). I am definitely still very impressed by his handling of tension and gore, and his next film, with more creative control, will hopefully be more sure of itself and original.

Slightly Recommended to fans of the original and predictable, but fun horror films; this is not as good as Feast, a somewhat similar film I've reviewed recently, or the original, but it has enough original touches and over-the-top gore visuals to make it fairly fun for horror buffs.

Watching the Detectives (2007)

An airless, poorly conceived romantic comedy with decent performances about a geeky video store clerk who falls in love with a spontaneous, free-spirited (read: crazy) new client. Cillian Murphy actually does an admirable job making a likable, relatively normal guy out of a poorly written character, downplaying his creepiness and naiveté for a more beaten, "whatever"-type attitude. He is obsessed with film, and constantly interrupts his life for viewings and references, much to the chagrin of everyone outside of his immediate friends circle (who are, admittedly, pretty funny, if self-consciously quirky). Lucy Liu comes along as the crazy person who knows nothing about movies, but knows enough to attempt to get Murphy out of his shell by enacting high-tension, movie-like scenarios. The fact that this is, ostensibly, a romantic comedy, spending much of its time focused on the relationship between these two, sinks the film, for it is not believable for a second that Murphy's character would put up with Liu's shenanigans as long as he does; his character was not written as bored or desperate enough to be willing to jump through this many hoops for any reason, let alone for someone he's just met. Liu's casting makes the film tolerable, though, for she infuses just enough energy and know-how to avoid, until the end, looking completely psychotic and illogical. However, the ending defines the film too concretely as a light-weight rom-com (spoiler!), and the laughs do not come quick and heavy enough to hide the lack of genuine substance. That being said, this was written and directed by Paul Soter, a member of Broken Lizard (Super Troopers, Slammin' Salmon), so everyone gets at least a few cute gags in, including several Lizard members in cameos (including Soter). I was just hoping for more out of his solo debut, and he does not have the writing chops to create a fresh, substantive original script, nor the directorial knowhow to elevate a script to watchable status, despite a penchant for casting (that is common for the Lizards...Brian Cox remains the scene-stealer in Super Troopers).

Skip it. There are better movies like this (The Science of Sleep, and, although it's radically different in tone, Cyper, also with Liu), and this is, unfortunately, not nearly as funny as a Broken Lizard film. But Soter's a hell of a sweet guy, with visibly good intentions, and I'm glad he got to make his own movie.

Operation: Endgame (2010)

Half funny, fresh comedy, half hackneyed, thrown together DTV dreck centering around two cooperating groups of assassins turned on each other by their superiors. The whole fucking film takes place in their underground HQ, and the cheapness of the production does not do it any favors; this is one project that would have benefited from a big-budget, Get Smart-esque treatment. The action scenes are well-executed, but clearly contained and shortchanged. And the central love story, between a fresh new recruit and his former flame, now a Mata Hari named Temptress (the codenames in this movie are broad and pointless), is indicative of the half-assed emotional manipulation typical of z-grade productions. Which is a shame, because the cast here is actually very talented, and very game. Comedy pros like Jeffery Tambor, Michael Hitchcock, Bob Odenkirk, Adam Scott, and Zach Galifinakis (in a shorter-than-advertised role) tone their respective schticks down a bit while decidedly non-comic actors such as Ving Rhames, Emilie De Ravin, and Ellen Barkin have a blast with their over-the-top characters. But the saving grace of this movie, and one that does not allow me to regret watching the film for one second, is Rob Cordry. As the raging alcoholic head of one of the agencies (a gun-shaped flask is permanently stapled to his hand), Cordry provides further evidence (along with Harold and Kumar 2) that he was born to play this type of role, cussing, drinking, and fighting with the same zeal and dedication he brought to the much bigger-budgeted Hot Tub Time Machine earlier this year. I was skeptical of his career in film, but his performance here, which basically holds the movie up on his shoulders (until he croaks oh snap *SPOILER* then the movie goes pretty much into unwatchable territory) makes me think he could sustain a leading man gig for the entirety of a running time; I may have to seek out that paintball flick I saw him on the cover of years ago (Blackballed I believe it's called...probably ass).

Slightly Recommended for fans of ramshackle DTV comedy and the terrific cast. This is definitely best seen (and, honestly, possibly made for) on a late night, uncut Comedy Central broadcast, or in a double feature with Harold and Kumar: Escape from Guantanamo Bay (which was supposed to be DTV, but proved to be just too damn good).

Cypher (2002)

Thrilling, terse cyber-thriller about a man who trains to be a corporate spy, but, in the process, begins losing his identity and sense of reality. Vincenzo Natali, the wonderful filmmaker behind Cube, Nothing, and, most recently, Splice, directs, but doesn't write, this thriller that creates great tension out of the idea of two tech conglomerates using their massive means to spy on each other, by any means necessary; one thinks it is not unrealistic to think that Microsoft and Mac relations operate at least somewhat like Digicorp and Sunways, the two corporations at odds here. Jeremy Northam is the lead, a mild-mannered man named Morgan Sullivan who is convinced by Digicorp to act as a spy for them at Sunways keynotes and conventions, under an alias with specific character traits. Immediately, Northam begins having headaches and memory lapses, and begins to become far more like his alias than his normal self, and begins to lose focus over who his employers are, what their agenda is, and who HE is. Lucy Liu enters into the equation as a woman who meets Sullivan in a bar, and seems to lead a parallel life to his. Both leads' performances are impeccable; Liu is wonderfully mysterious and sexy, while Northam succeeds in the more challenging task of being a protaganist that's an enigma to both the audience and the other characters. The production (I'm guessing Canadian like Natali's other projects) has Natali's highest production values (other than Splice), and portrays its lofty sci-fi concepts in full fidelity. But for all the sci-fi techno-babble, the emotion and humanity in this movie is quite strong; we accept the fantastical things Sullivan encounters as real because he seems to be just as perplexed by them as we are. Even though Natali didn't script this one, the script contains his trademark lofty ideas, and he executes them just as proficiently as if he had written it himself.

Highly recommended for sci-fi nerds and appreciators of the phenomenal work of Vincenzo Natali. In an age of regurgitation and repackaging, Natali has made four movies (Cube, Nothing, this, and Splice) that not only completely defy conventions, but contain enough originality to seem ignorant and FREE of them. He has my undying attention.

Undisputed II (2005)

Surprisingly effective DTV action sequel about "Iceman" Chambers (Ving Rhames in the first one) having to fight a MMA fighter to earn his freedom from a Russian gulag. Michael Jai White replaces Rhames as Chambers, and, while definitely seeming more like Wesley Snipes' character than Rhames', is a thoroughly watchable protagonist. We know White can fight, but he really surprises in the more heartfelt scenes which, in the hands of a lesser actor, would have been readily apparent as melodramatic filler between fight scenes. Ben Cross from Chariots of Fire is also on hand as Chambers' trainer/cellmate, who has some great scenes involving his heroin addiction that, again, a lesser actor could've easily fumbled. Scott Adkins is terrifying here as the villain, and I look forward to seeing the Adkins-centric Undisputed III (especially because the choreographer of that one did that killer Mortal Kombat trailer making the rounds online right now). The production values, especially the fight choreography, are very strong for a film of this scale, and there is very little here that is glaringly cheesy or cheap. Adkins moves, in particular, are better executed and shot than those in most studio actioners.

Recommended for fans of the original, Michael Jai White or MMA/boxing flicks. I'd heard this was a strong sequel, and I was still impressed.

The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie (2010)

Funny, if obviously unnecessary feature-length version of the wonderfully tasteless and offensive animated show. The plot relates the projects futility, and concerns itself with the Drawn Together cast investigating its own cancellation. Eventually, they are hunted by a huge android named I.S.R.A.E.L., who fires cannons that erase whole scenes from existence leaving a blank, white page (while dropping lines about how "I.S.R.A.E.L. can't justify its own existence," etc.). The humor is surprising pointed at Jews, and they restrain their buckshot technique and keep the film focused on the Jewish humor; this is one of the films greatest flaws, as one of the main joys of the show was how willing the writers were to actively lampoon any and everything under the sun, not just certain cultural phenoms at a time (like South Park). The other crucial flaw of the film is its reliance on event-based humor, and not on the characters that had been so well-nurtured in its shorter incarnation. While there are character-centric moments and gags throughout, they feel like throwaway gags, and are overshadowed by the increasingly befuddled plot. It begins as a cute conceit, and definitely reaches a meta-apex when the characters, in a life-or-death scenario, wonder the point of the movie's existence at all, but there is no excuse for treating this shit like its funnier than the cast, especially the show's magnum achievement, Captain Hero. Aside from not making him the star of the film, as he was, by the end, obviously the show's lead, making his story a crass, easy, not-really-that-offensive subplot was the stake in the coffin for any classic status they intended for this film. Not to say the film is a humorless bore; these writers would really have to try REALLY fucking hard to be completely unfunny and declawed. But it registers as nothing more than an extended episode (and a weak one at that), which, considering the success of the Family Guy movie which IS an extended episode, is a disappointing way to close out the Drawn Together run.

Slightly Recommended to fans of Drawn Together, or equally crass and offensive humor. South Park and Family Guy fans beware: this is not nearly as topical as SP, and not as ADD and ambivalent as Family Guy.

Picking up the Pieces (2000)

Lame, yuck-yucky DTV comedy about a missing hand, linked to a murder, that suddenly provides miracles for the citizens of a New Mexico town. Woody Allen plays a Texan butcher who, after killing his wife out of jealousy toward her many infidelities, accidentally scatters her body parts in New Mexico. He accounts for all of them except a hand (flipping the bird, no less), which is found by locals, and soon, very apparant, and very real miracles start occuring; the blind can see, the crippled can walk, David Schwimmer gets the girl, etc. The plot doesn't really extend beyond that, with the remainder of the story involving mix-ups and confusion over the hand, it's true meaning, and it's real point of origin (they think it's the Virgin Mary's). This New Mexican, Catholic, Virgin Mary bullshit betrays the sophistication of the cast and reveals the film for what it is; a pathetic attempt by a Mexican director (Alfonso Arau of Like Water Like Chocolate) to make a cross-over mainstream comedy without leaving his comfort zone. Like Ricky Gervais' The Invention of Lying, the religious satire only extends to establishing that it can, in fact, exist, and not that it is misguided, or, dare I say, shouldn't exist. So within this ramshackle, shitty looking dirt NM town, we get people like Allen, Kiefer Sutherland, Joseph-Gordon Levitt, Cheech Marin, and Sharon Stone (as the hacked up wife) running around, impotent to make the movie funnier (save for Allen, who simply CAN'T be unfunny in a narrative film, no matter how much he tries). The familiar faces do help this pill of shit go down easier, but by the time the shark is jumped and 3 priests from the Vatican arrive, played by Andy Dick, Fran Descher, and Elliot Gould (amusingly channeling Maximilian Schell), it just starts making the finer actors in the bunch look bad (particularly Kiefer and Gordon Levitt).

Skip it, save for diehard Allen aficionados who could care less about content but would get off on seeing him run around the desert in a cowboy hat. I heard a lot of terrible things about this one, and the cast made me ignore it; now I remember why I don't get distracted by pretty faces if the body smells like Mexican horseshit.

Crimewave (1985)

Little-seen slapstick/noir directed by Sam Raimi and written by the Coen Brothers, without matching up to their then-standard of excellence. The plot, a hodgepodge of noir cliches, involves an insurance plot, two grotesquely over-the-top hitmen (one played by Brion James), and a nerdy stooge, who tells us his story from the electric chair. I feel the same way about this plot as I do Blood Simple's; it really seems to exist just to show some set pieces off, rather than the other way around. Aside from a running subplot about Bruce Campbell as a "heel" trying to pick up women, there is very little in the story, plot, or dialogue that sustains interest. Whether this is due to the amateur nature of the script or meddlesome studio tinkering, who knows. However, the real interesting aspect of the film is the staging. The film is set up as a noir, but plays like a slapstick, and in that sense, it almost works. There are big comic set-pieces, and Raimi's touch actually pulls a good amount of them off, particularly a sequence where a game Louise Lasser runs away from a hitman in "The Safest Hallway in the World." His Three Stooges influence is more on display here than any of his horror work, and it is refreshing to see him using those talents in a genuine comedy. That being said, other than that and his use of Campbell in a supporting role (who nonetheless steals the whole fucking show, seemingly out of spite), unfortunately, the ingenuity of his and the Coen Brothers would be better utilized in the coming years than this one.

Slightly Recommended for big Sam Raimi or Bruce fans, but latter beware; he bites it about 2/3rds in, and the movie can't prove its mettle without him. There's a reason this isn't a hotter commodity online, but it really isn't that bad, and, if you are interested, worth checking out for some truly original and cool comic staging.

Dead Fish (2008)

Cute, if slightly tepid British crime yarn about a hitman and a young lad in love who accidentally switch phones, and the mayhem that ensues. The plot, a collection of contrivances and goofy, colorful characters, all very reminiscent of Guy Ritchie's crime flicks, is most certainly not an appealing factor here. In fact, the biggest thing the film has going against it is that it feels, more or less, like a bunch of shit happening simultaneously without any real, organic sense of cohesion. What IS actually pretty cool and watchable here are the performances. Gary Oldman plays the hitman with a great, surprisingly coiled attitude that is a refreshing change of pace from his typical loud, explosive villain routine. He actually provides the film with a bit of genuine romantic substance that the writing does not nurture in the slightest. Some bloke named Andrew Lee Potts plays the schmuck that switches phones with Oldman, and unwittingly integrates himself into his life, and he's a solid, likeable lead, but he's completely overshadowed by the original love Guru Jimi Mistry as his stoner buddy Sal. Billy Zane and Karel Roden play bumbling hitmen on the hunt for Potts (remember what I said about Guy Ritchie), but aside from Zane's delightfully stuffy attire and demeanor, their scenes have little to write home about and could have easily been cut from the film. And Robert Carlyle basically combines his performances in Transpotting and Formula 51 for his loan shark character, stealing the film in his few scenes with a never-ending spew of verbal abuse and an overarching sense of pragmatic entrepreneurship. The circus-like procession of interesting characters is fairly fun, but the intensity level is not high enough and the events that transpire never deviate far enough from convention to truly be memorable. That being said, there is an interesting, unconventionally toned-down visual aesthetic to the film, and it gives the film more leverage than I believe the script deserved.

Slightly recommended for fans of British gangster films a la Guy Ritchie or Formula 51 (aka The 51st State). I started this one thinking it seemed to be a lost brother to those films; but a distinct creative lack of ambition keeps this one a lesser relative.

A Dangerous Man (2010)

Solid, if low-key DTV actioner starring the fat, 60ish Steven Seagal about a fiasco that pits Chinese and Russian mobsters against each other, with fatty in the way. I haven't the time for bullshit; if you're wondering if this movie sucks dong, it does. It is a DTV movie with an uninteresting, convoluted premise involving a kidnapped witness and mob tensions. However, in the background, witnessing key scenes and actually (*gasp!*) engaging in others, is big bad voodoo daddy Steven Seagal, laying the aikido smacketh down on fools when the script needs some action. It is not that it does not look like he can still fuck fools up; it most certainly does. It's just that he's fat, old, tan, probably bald under the toupee, and obviously uninterested. He's not that discerning between his DTV efforts, and it shows, but luckily, to his fanbases glee, the fuck is unable to shed his natural charm even in his boredom. A scene where he tells a hillbilly he's going to "fuck him up ugly" and then proceeds to do so only works because of Seagal's trademark whispery bluster, and elements like that, which actually do serve as evidence of Seagal's remaining badassness, make me agreee with Vern when he says that Seagal could have a Charles Bronson like run at this point in his career. And I agree; with his trademark humor and Bhuddist sensibilities, there is a chance he could still click with modern audiences. Hopefully, he decides to pick better movies, and, hopefully, they will be ones that directly involve him in the plot, not just throw him in the mix to add a few zero's to the budget.

Slightly Recommended for diehard Seagal fans. There is enough here to warrant a viewing, preferably on television or Netflix stream. But for DTV Seagal, Urban Justice, featuring Eddie Griffin and Danny Trejo, is still the one to beat.

P.S. This film has a Russian mob boss telling a policeman, "In Russia, we fuck cops in the mouth when we run out of dogs." I'm not saying the rest of the dialogue lives up to that. I'm just saying that's in there, and other absurd lines like it.

He Was A Quiet Man (2007)

Provacative, pitch-black DTV comedy about a repressed office worker and his unsatiable craving to massacre his workplace, bolstered by a fantastically nebbish Christian Slater in the lead. He spends his cubicle-dwelling days planning the demise of those who berate and trivialize him every day, staring at his revolver while assigning a bullet for each person. He's just about to carry out his actions when another lowly office employee takes the initiative and plugs a roomful of people, and when Slater realizes his office crush took a slug in the back, he "saves the day" and offs the other nutjob, looking like a hero. He gets a promotion, newfound respect, and the companionship of a wounded office worker who feels in his debt. But his psychotic tendencies, manifested by fish that he hallucinates feeding him orders, live on to cause him stress and alienation, building towards a breaking point Slater knows is coming and cannot avoid. The hopelessness of Slater's character, and the actor's willingness to make the character a completely unromantic nutcase (unlike some of his previous characters) make this film worth watching. When he begins his rags to riches story, and the love story element seems to seep in uninvited, the film could easily become a cliched, trite indie mess, but you know that Slater's character is still quite off his rocker, and could ruin it all in a heartbeat. His sweaty, high-strung to the point of paralysis performance, along with a wonderfully smarmy one by William H. Macy as his new, higher-up boss, keep the film from settling in to long and making you comfortable; you know this guy well enough to know he's capable of terrible things, and it'll be an uphill struggle to see him get to a neutral zone in his life where he can be content with what he has.

Recommended for fans of black office comedies or Christian Slater. This one had nowhere to go but DTV; it is too dark, twitchy, and depressing for most audiences, even those for darker comedies a la Office Space. But hopefully the presence of stars Slater, Macy, and Elisha Cuthbert will keep this relatively watched in years to come.

The Big White (2005)

Strong black comedy in the vein of Double Indemnity and Fargo involving Robin Williams as an Alaskan citizen trying to outsmart Giovanni Ribisi, an insurance agent, to collect his missing, and presumed dead, brother's life insurance. This one was DTV, and, while I understand the lack of popularity black comedies have with mass audiences, it is truly a shame, because there is a lot of energy and originality here. The humor is not wholly derived from the extremes of the macabre and the tediously normal, like Fargo, but rather from the desperation and alienation of the characters. While all of them are distinct characters, and register in their own way, they do not succumb to caricature; there is no hammy Frances Mcdormand sounding significantly more mannered and exaggerated than her costars. It helps that the cast is quite exceptional: aside from strong turns from the two leads, Holly Hunter (hilarious as Williams' Tourette's-ridden wife), Woody Harrelson, Alison Lohman, and Tim Blake Nelson all turn in very real, funny work here. However, the film never becomes a quirky ensemble comedy a la Big Trouble (which I actually like) or (god forbid) Drowning Mona, and maintains interest by taking its central plot seriously and making the stakes dramatically high without compromising the comedic tone of the movie.

Reccommended for fans of Fargo-esque black comedies, or Holly Hunter. This did not deserve the fate it got, but perhaps its off-kilter, high-tension style could only find its audience through dvd...and blogs like this.

Give 'Em Hell, Malone (2009)

Pretty sick noir/action flick about Tom Jane as a gun for hire on a quest to recover a stolen briefcase, and its contents. The plot is derivative, and lifts from many different films, but that is redeemed by the pace of the film, which is nearly breakneck. Between the snappy dialogue, the action, and the lively production design, there is always enough going on here to supercede the story which is, aside from being cliched, sorta thin. The villain, a corporate exec, rants and raves on a phone in front of a huge fireplace, as if he's the devil himself, and Malone himself is nearly a superhero; he raves as he takes bullets in the opening scene, "Some guys are harder to kill than others; lucky for me, I'm one of those guys." There is a fine line between noir and camp that films like Lucky Number Slevin try, and fail, to achieve, and this film treads it successfully for the whole endeavor.

The film is exceptionally well cast. Tom Jane is a natural for the lead, as one who has seen his performances as Neal Cassady and the Punisher can attest to, delivering his meaty, noir dialogue with zeal; one of his strengths as a performer is that there is a tangible sense of energy when he is engaged with the material (Boogie Nights, The Tripper), and this is a perfect example, and it keeps his hard-boiled noir hero from becoming a full cliche. Ving Rhames is one of those few dudes who can refer to himself as a big, bad, black motherfucker and have it seem, rather than goofy, sickeningly badass. His villainous right-hand-man character is simultaneously violent and sympathetic, creating an actual foil to Malone rather than an obstacle; if the "To Be Continues" subtitle at the end of the feature is to be believed, you can bet Ving's character will play a prominent role. Elsa Pataky is a serviceable, if slightly undercooked, femme fatale, and Leland Orser turns in a brief, but dependable performace as Malone's handler. Two supporting performances really stand out, and those are French Stewart, as a hilariously cheesy lounge singer/stoolie, and Doug Hutchison as "Matchstick," a pyromaniac villain covered head to toe in burn scars, with increasingly impressive makeup effects. Hutchison may be taking a cue from Heath's Joker with his hyper-American delivery and almost-proud psychotic ravings, but takes it so far over the top that it registers as a purely comic creation, and, as in Punisher: War Zone, Hutchison's take on the material elevates it from interesting to truly memorable status.

Highly Recommended for fans of noir, Tom Jane, or Russell Mulcahy. Myself, as a fan of Highlander, Ricochet, and The Shadow, I consider this a return to form for the maligned action director; I hope he finally finds his niche with moderately-budgeted, highly stylized action flicks like this.

World's Greatest Dad (2009)

Very Funny. Go see it.

Recommended for fans of cynical, oh so black humor a la Election or Very Bad Things. Others should stay clear.

Trick 'r Treat (2008)

Above-average horror movie slightly in the vein of Creepshow, but more freeform than that films strictly anthological content. This one concerns a number of concurrent freaky activities going on in and around a small town on All Hallows Eve. Gore abounds, and the wit is heavy on subverting expectations. Still, there is an emptiness throughout that cheapens the whole endeavor; a sideshow can entertain, but it is still a sideshow.

Recommended for horror fans, especially fans of Creepshow, Tales from the Darkside, and other like minded flicks.

P.S. Anna Paquin plays a virgin who encounters a vampire at one point. Slightly southern accent on her too. Mega-confusing...I kept waiting for Stephen Moyer to yell "UNHAND HER!" and save the day. But alas...

CHAOS (2005)

Utter horseshit. Even with Jason Statham and Wesley Snipes. Contrived direct-to-video cop movie plot all focused (surprise surprise) on Ryan Phillipe's rookie.