Blown Away (1994)

Half-Patriot Games, half-Speed, this handsome, but flat thriller involves two Irish ex-pats, one a bomb squad detective, the other a mad bomber, in a battle of wits in Boston. Jeff Bridges is the hotshot cop, the kind who rides a motorcycle and introduces himself to a potential bomb victim as "Dove...Jimmy Dove." He has decided to settle down and retire when a face from his past, Tommy Lee Jones' Ryan Gaerity, begins to blow up his colleagues in meticulously planned, diversionary bomb scares. Once he knows that Gaerity has specifically targeted him, he becomes obsessed with protecting his father, his bomb squad, his new bride, and her precocious little daughter.

You might be thinking this movie is, basically, an extended showdown between the two macho heavyweights, Bridges and Jones; unfortunately it's not. Much of the movie shows Dove defusing various bombs and traps left for him in advance by Gaerity, sometimes with some sort of note or visual accompaniment attached. They seem to have gone the Heat route, and treated each character as if they inhabited their own story, which would be great if the final overlap was appropriately satisfying; unfortunately it's not (unless you like goofy mid-90's man-wrasslin' scenes). But while Jones' story rides, primarily, on Jones eternal watchability (witnessing his ex-convict character discover the joys of hyper-Irish U2 is a true delight), Bridges is supported by a stellar supporting cast, including Forest Whitaker and Ruben Santiago-Hudson, as fellow bomb defusers, and real-life pop Lloyd Bridges in a phenomenal turn as his old man. A huge detriment to the film is the focus on Bridge's attempt at domestication with his new wife, Suzy Amis. The scenario is so contrived and cliched, with terrible, momentum-breaking dialogue ("Thinking about checking out?") that Bridges ends up being left in the cold, without a consistent character to hold on to; is he a tortured, redemptive warrior, or a battle-weary soldier looking to settle down (it is easier to dismiss Amis' bland, nonexistent performance as an indication of a decided lack of talent)? The bomb scare stuff is tense and fun, but the film continually takes time to focus on Bridges and Amis' home life, deflating any chance this film had of achieving a pace like, say, Speed. The dialogue is serviceable, and the Boston setting is used moderately well, but the main draw here are director Stephen Hopkins long, intricate bomb scares that are a joy to watch snowball and develop.

Slightly Recommended for fans of the cast and scenes where someone looks at a big bomb with a lot of wires and is determined to defuse it (i.e. The Hurt Locker, Lethal Weapon 3, etc.). Stephen Hopkins has done some terrific movies (The Life and Death of Peter Sellers, Judgment Night) and some alright ones (Predator 2, Lost in Space). This is one of the latter.

The Other Guys (2010)

A hilarious, yet imperfect comedy that involves two sidekicks of New York's number one crime-fighting cop duo, and their attempt to gain respect of their own. Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg play the titular Other Guys, a nebbish "forensic accountant," and a loudmouth, pent up hot-shot demoted for shooting someone famous and beloved (a stupid gag that I won't ruin just in case I'm just being a curmudgeon). The Main Guys (who deserved a better shake than they got in this film) are played by The Rock and Samuel L. Jackson, two dudes who definitely know how to play over-the-top action heroes, and they are true to form here in their tragically brief appearance. The plot takes Ferrell and Wahlberg to a jewel heist that was, perhaps, faked to cover up a bigger, more substantive corporate crime. The fact that the film actually has a plot separates it from Mckay's earlier buddy comedies, and it definitely gives the film a life of its own beyond the typical improvised banter and random sight gags; however, it also gives the film a bit of a cap on the humor, as the film cannot derail from logic as severely as Anchorman and Step Brothers repeatedly did. This definitely hinders Wahlberg's character, clearly a riff on "psychos" such as Mel Gibson's Riggs, or pretty much any character who ended up having to be told "He ain't worth it, man" by his partner as he held a gun to a criminal; he runs around the film, screaming about needing to fly like a peacock (in reference to their case) without a smidgen of comedic understanding or timing. Which is a shame, because Ferrell, once again, after Step Brothers, proves he has way more comedic tricks up his sleeve than he likes to let on; his seemingly benign daff hints at his past, which ends up being a priceless slow reveal, and his continual references to his wife, Eva Mendes, as his "plain," "cute, but definitely not hot," "ball and chain." Speaking of Mendes, she's terrific in the film, showing way more chutzpah and comedic range than I believe anyone expected of her (although I liked her in Stuck On You). Damon Wayans, Jr. (I miss his old man on screen) and Rob Riggle play other other guys, an unnecessary, yet mildly amusing equivalent of The Andy's in Hot Fuzz (an infinitely superior film in almost every facet, by the way) who compete with the titular boys to one-up The Rock and Samuel L. While Steve Coogan and Ray Stevenson are also strong in their straight-man roles, the real honorable mention in the supporting cast is Michael Keaton. He turns in, for the first time in years, a thoroughly comic, goofy performance, and the biggest compliment I can give the film is that I had no clue how much I missed this side of Keaton until I saw it delivered in spades here; he is simultaneously subtle and over-the-top in ways that are matched only by Ferrell, who I now suspect may have been influenced by the Beetlejuice star in his work. The action in the film is surprisingly effective, particularly in a two-fisted office shootout set to The White Stripes' "Icky Thump", but still comes shy of the third act extravaganza of the similarly themed Hot Fuzz.

Recommended for fans of over-the-top PG-13 action comedies a la Hot Shots, or Mckay and Ferrell's previous films. For me, this ranks below Anchorman and Step Brothers, but probably on par with Talladega Nights; while it does not have that film's penchant for random insanity, it does have a stronger sense of character and story that would make the film much stronger, had Mark Wahlberg been such a desperate, overeager dud. Dirk Diggler was a fluke, everyone, it's okay, we'll always have his 5 goofy minutes or so in The Departed AND I Heart Huckabees if you can stand the existential jargon.

The Wicker Man (1973)

Fuck that admittedly glorious montage of the silliest scenes of Nicolas Cage's remake; this is the real deal, an old school British film along the lines of Straw Dogs and, oddly enough, Hot Fuzz with a great tone and terrific genre performances from Edward Woodward and Christopher Lee.

Highly Recommended for fans of edgy, offbeat, surreal '70s cinema.

P.S. This movie's kind of a musical. Still on board? You should be.

Extreme Prejuidice (1987)

Fun, exciting Walter Hill actioner set in Texas about the elongated rivalry between a Texas Ranger and his boyhood friend, now a cocaine kingpin in Mexico. Nick Nolte and Powers Boothe are the Ranger and the kingpin, respectively, and they have been fighting over Maria Conchita Alonso since before they acquired their legally-opposing occupations. Their story is the A-plot; there is also Michael Ironside and his ex-military crew, including William Forsythe and Clancy Brown, working against Boothe as well, albeit in a more covert manner. Eventually, inevitably, the two plots converge into an explosive finale in Mexico. The addition of the ex-military unit subplot adds a lot of dimension to the proceedings, although the good ol' boy rivalry between Nolte and Boothe is a delight. The parallel plots successfully create the idea that multiple things are actually concurrently going on, which elevates this above your typical forgotten 80's actioner. Aside from the action, which Walter Hill expectedly executes exceptionally well (especially the Wild Bunch-influenced finale), the badass supporting cast also makes this film stand-out. Aside from the three terrific, slow-burn leads, Nolte, Boothe, and Ironside, Forsythe, Brown, Alonso, and especially Rip Torn as Nolte's superior turn in memorable, appropriately archetypal action character work.

Recommended for fans of Texan (or southern) '80s action flicks, the leads, or Walter Hill; like many of his other films, this is, ostensibly, a classic western tale, but the addition of the ex-military unit subplot (and the cast) keeps this from feeling like any sort of retread, and makes it a compelling AND exciting dust-covered guy flick.

Next of Kin (1989)

Okay, forgettable late '80s actioner about 2 hick brothers out to avenge the death of a third in Chicago. The dead brother is played by Bill Paxton, and his brothers are played by Liam Neeson (YEAH!) and Patrick Swayze (...he's dead.) Because this was made 2 years after Dirty Dancing, and not in smarter times, Swayze is the lead, the pacifist brother who wants to take the law and order route until *gasp* they cross the line! The villains are played by Adam Baldwin, Andreas Katsulas (the one-armed man from The Fugitive), and Ben fucking Stiller. The script is crappy and stupid, with the characters all being stereotypes, and boring ones at that, but the film rests on the laurels of the cast for a good amount of the film. Baldwin, Stiller, and especially Neeson, as the fur-trappin, John Deere drivin psycho hick of the two brothers, have charisma coming out of their ass, and make their scenes pulpy and larger than life. But Swayze was no action lead, no matter how hard he wanted to be. Without a role like the Bodhisattva in Point Break, he could not bring anything extra to a role, as can be seen in Red Dawn (which I prefer to this) and Road House (which I don't). And in movie with this many talented actors (Helen Hunt plays his wife as well) he comes across as puny and pathetic; no good when you're standing next to Liam Neeson talkin about raining hell on the bastards that killed his brother.

Slightly Recommended to late '80s B-movie action buffs or diehard Neeson fans curious to see him rock a southern accent. Firefly fans take note: Jayne plays a pretty badass evil henchman in this one, and helps pushes the film across the edge into enjoyable status.

8 Million Ways To Die (1986)

Strong, well-acted cop drama about an alcoholic former pig who gets caught up with a prostitution/drug-running ring. Jeff Bridges plays Matt Scudder, who, after being traumatized on the job, drinks his life and his badge down the toilet. After AA, he gets caught up with a hooker and an old friend, now a pimp, who drawn him into this world that he cannot help but try and remedy. Along the way, he meets up with Rosanna Arquette's hooker character, and the two wounded souls try and heal each others wounds. The whole thing sounds very overwrought and cliched, bordering on melodramatic horseshit, but it plays a lot better than it sounds due to the acting, particularly Bridge's beaten cop. He looks, feels, and acts as if he's on the verge of a mental and physical collapse, and our empathy with him raises the stakes before the first gun is drawn. However, the film only moves beyond being interesting and provacative, and gets truly exciting, when Andy Garcia's heavy enters the picture. In this early role, Andy Garcia is shockingly understated and soft-spoken as he smiles and charms his way past the fact that everyone in the film knows that he is a scumbag. His silly hair and tough accent become completely ignored as he begins his illustrious career taking the traditional Cuban druglord (a.k.a. Scarface) and spinning it on its ass to the point where you almost believe that he and Bridges would make more interesting friends than enemies. The film is very well-shot, staged, edited, and scored, but all in a very '80s aesthetic; those who can't sit through an episode of Miami Vice without squirming (or whining) probably shouldn't even bother with this one.

Highly recommended for fans of '80s cop dramas, Jeff Bridges, or Andy Garcia. Director Hal Ashby cut his teeth on films like Harold and Maude, The Last Detail, and Being There; this is not one of those films at all, more along the lines of To Live and Die in L.A. or James Woods' Cop than those soft (albeit amazing) flicks.

Cop Out (2010)

Mediocre, hardly-trying buddy-cop movie that regurgitates, rather than evokes, the stereotypes of '80s action flicks. Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan play the leads, "a couple of dicks," as Bruce refers to them as, who bumble around New York doing tired schtick and tepid banter while looking for Bruce's missing baseball card, worth tens of thousands. The team is generic, and so is everything else in the movie; the angry captain taking their badge, the rival cops (complete with Rosewood-esque concerned younger partner), the ethnic drug dealers, the appropriately-ethnic damsel in distress, and the climactic shootout all play completely rote, without any spark of originality to it that someone like Edgar Wright or QT couldn't help but inject. The only aspect that comes off as homage rather than cribbing is the synth score by Axel F mastermind Harold Faltermeyer; the refreshing, old-school soundtrack will be getting a lot more repeat value over the years than this derivative turd.

The casting of this movie had gotten me excited during development stages, but I constantly wished they were given Kevin Smith dialogue to recite instead of the plot-functioning pseudo-banter on display. Bruce is not quite as bored as I figured he'd be; his character does possess a somewhat understated presence here, but he ain't that funny and he ain't that badass, for whatever reason. The idea of Tracy Morgan as a policeman is completely ludicrous, and he does little to disprove that, save for adding a false sweetness to his character that makes him completely benign and nonthreatening, e.g. uninteresting. Adam Brody and Kevin Pollak are disposable, but Pollak at least gets away with not making a fool of himself by trying too hard. Susie Essman and Jason Lee have surprisingly funny cameos, and Guillermo Diaz turns in a solid, if racist and cliched villain, but the real ace-in-the-hole of the cast is Stifler a.k.a. Seann William Scott. He is the only cast member not content with playing a plot function, and takes his scenes to the level I hoped the rest of the movie could maintain in terms of energy, spontaneity, and humor. His death in the film, at the same time as being completely lame and contrived, kills the minimal momentum they had going for them, but of course they bring him back in the end (graciously) just in case Cop Out 2 makes it past development. Personally, I could give a fuck unless Kev's allowed (or even wants) a crack at the script himself; anything better than Morgan just reciting lines from movies to get the immediate laugh of recognition like a bad Family Guy ep.

Slightly Recommended for fans of '80s buddy flicks or Stifler. This is Kevin Smith's worst movie...wait...shit I forgot about Jersey Girl, and it felt SO GOOD, goddammit...but ok it's not quite THAT bad.

Stone Cold (1991)

Blissfully ridiculous early-'90s action flick about a renegade cop (ahhhhh, yesssss) who goes deep undercover as an anarchist biker to prevent a political assassination. The cop is played by Brian Bosworth, a former Seattle Seahawks linebacker, is named "Joe Huff," and rocks both a pet iguana AND a blonde mullet; one of his adversaries refers to him as a "grown up Bam-Bam." As an actor, Bosworth has, typical for the era, very little charisma other than the body to convincingly pulverize baddies with, but the plot (and direction) nurture his wooden style very well. Lance Henriksen is a typically strong villain, William Forsythe makes a chew toy out of the scenery with his biker henchman, and Sam MacMurray is a surprisingly effective and likable comic relief. However, the highlight here is the goofy energy of it all; the spirited, action-heavy set-pieces, the caricatured supporting performances, and the one-liners are all brilliantly over-the-top, including my favorite line of the film, from Henriksen ("That reminds me of my daddy's last words: 'No, please, son, put that down, the gun's loaded!'"). It seems that the right people, and enough of them, were comfortable enough with the inevitable tone of this stupid film to, as Bosworth says in the film, "turn it on," and make it the most balls-to-the-wall, ludicrous scummy action film they possibly could, and it worked; the film is far more entertaining than more sincere entries in the action genre during this time, if only for its relentless pace, due to hilarious peaks of absurdity, and the willingness to abandon several extraneous mainstays of the genre, including a shoehorned love interest, a villain who kills his own cohorts on a whim, and politically correct action scenes where only villains, and not bystanders, die. The films this reminded me of most were the first 2 Death Wish sequels, despite the relatively hunkier, younger lead in this one; the drama is comically on-the-nose and mild, and the action is grotesquely over-the-top in ways only the most cynical and poisoned of Hollywood producers could endorse.

Highly Recommended for fans of over-the-top action cinema of the late-'80s/early-90's and Lance Henriksen's goofy villain roles a la Hard Target. This film is a blast for the right people, and for the wrong people, GO SEE AVATAR AGAIN hahahahaha.

P.S. My unfortunate disdain for Avatar will probably boil over once it stops being the number one highest grossing movie ever...Nolans, you can finish that Batman 3 script anytime now....

CHAOS (2005)

Utter horseshit. Even with Jason Statham and Wesley Snipes. Contrived direct-to-video cop movie plot all focused (surprise surprise) on Ryan Phillipe's rookie.