Super 8 (2011)

An uncondescending, but remarkably unoriginal throwback to the Amblin Entertainment family films of the '80s, this children-centric sci-fi piece has a group of pre-teens accidentally capturing a mysterious train crash while filming a Super 8 zombie film. The whole film has that small-town vibe where everyone knows not only everyone's name, but their familial situation and behavioral tendencies. The main characters are well-rounded in that Stand By Me way where they swear and talk tough, while revealing their childhood naivete when on the subject of girls. There are two parallel central plots, one involving the Super 8 film's makeup man and his romance with the leading lady (played by Elle Fanning), and the other revolving around his father, the deputy, and his begrudging leadership of the town once the mayor mysteriously goes missing. Without giving too much away (although the secrets of this film don't really live up to their buildup), the film starts maintaining a sort of Jaws-meets-E.T.-meets-Close Encounters of the Third Kind vibe, cribbing imagery and moments wholesale from those movies, and keeping the kids at the forefront of the action in a very Stephen King's It sort of way.

J.J. Abrams greatest flaw is also his greatest attribute; he is a terrific showman. He is aware enough of pop culture to understand how to make something seem mysterious, interesting, and potentially, deep and engaging. In this age of "bigger is better," Alias, Lost, Cloverfield, and now Super 8 have all had the benefit of Abrams genius ability to leave just enough to the imagination to make something seem infinitely more interesting than it could have declared itself to be. However, all of those projects (save for Super 8) have another thing in common; they are all known as remarkable letdowns. From the last episode of Lost to the dismal box office numbers of Cloverfield, there is already plenty of evidence out there to show that J.J. Abrams is much better at setting things up than he is at actually following through on his grandiose promises. Super 8 is no exception. Remember that first trailer, showing nothing but the train crash, the camera, and the implication that something monstrous and alien escaped the train? Well, there's very little in the movie that expands on what is implied in the trailer, and the tricks they play with your preconceived notions of the films plot are embarrassing, hokey failures.

That being said, there is much of the film to commend. J.J. Abrams has a tendency to linger on quiet, schmaltzy moments, but usually casts well enough to pull those moments off; this film is no exception, and the greatest element of the film is its child cast. From the mousy, fireworks-obsessed scamp, to the overweight, tyrrannical director, to the flaky, consistently-vomiting leading man, the youthful characters are endearing, human, and consistently watchable. The central romance between the young, shy makeup man and the brave, caring leading lady is, surprisingly, cute and inoffensive (until the silly plot contrivances catch up with it). Unfortunately, the adult cast does not survive Abrams and producer Steven Spielberg's nostalgia-tinged vision; they all come off as hokey, Peanuts-style "wonk-wonk-wonk" caricatures who are inexcusably moody and prickish one second then inexplicably heroic and stalwart the next. Noah Emmerich, an actor who, since the Truman Show, has repeatedly impressed me with his sincere, naturalistic performances, is saddled with the worst role in the show, a merciless mad scientist/power-hungry Army type who is a mustache-twirl away from Snidey Whiplash. Ron Eldard also suffers a similar fate as Fanning's town-drunk father. The adult-centric stuff takes up a good %40-45 of the running time, so the gaping faults of that section cannot be overlooked; a shame, because, until the effects-driven, cliched cheesefest of a last act, the character work and nostalgic style actually render the film a rather endearing, family-friendly piece of cinema.

Slightly Recommended to families with tough kids (there are blood splatters in this film) and fans of Cloverfield which, in the end, the film shares remarkable similarities with (down to some of the SAME EXACT FX...God, what a disappointment). I definitely prefer this to E.T., but not necessarily Close Encounters. Honestly, I'd just rewatch Jaws.

P.S. There are definitely some killer jump scares in the film, but none better than the initial train-crash itself; even though the kids would definitely be killed by all the flaming debris that juuuuuuust misses them, the juxtaposition of the devastating carnage and the frightened kids in peril is terribly effective. Unfortunately, the rest doesn't really ever live up to that moment.

Tucker and Dale vs. Evil (2011)

Cute, low-key horror-comedy about duo of well-meaning, but buffoonish rednecks on vacation who are vilified, demonized, and, indirectly, tortured by a nearby group of teens. The central joke of the piece is a riff on Deliverance; because Tucker and Dale fit the image of inbred, angsty jungle folk, the teens are so scared for their lives that they, in turn, go about putting themselves in actual danger. There is not much more in terms of plot, save for a cute, tenuous romance with Tucker and one of the teens, so I will not ruin any of the gags, plot twists, or death scenes(!) that make this quite a fun watch for horror buffs. I will say that as the titular duo, Reaper's Tyler Labine and Alan mothafreaking Tudyk are absolutely sweet, well-rendered, and hilarious; if you did not buy the well-meaning sincerity of their rough-around-the-edges characters, the entire film would fall apart. Katrina Bowden, the resident "hottie" of 30 Rock, also warrants mention for playing it straight and irony-free (unlike on 30 Rock) as the love interest; in a nice spin on the typical horror lead role, she is separate from her friends in her understanding that there is NO threat, as opposed to her being the savvy survivalist a la Jamie Lee Curtis or Neve Campbell. The movie has a sort of half-indie, half-DTV feel to it, sort of like David Arquette's similar, but more freakish The Tripper, but it only serves to highlight the absurd and over-the-top tone of the film; a big-budget sheen on this one, along with bigger names in the starring roles, would have taken the piss out of the whole thing. I am not saying that this is Shaun of the Dead, or even Cannibal: The Musical, but it is a fun, diverting flick that tickles its core audience (read: horror fans) to the bone.

Recommended for savvy horror fans, specifically those familiar with the subgenre of films like Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Wrong Turn, and The Hills Have Eyes. There is a cuteness and sincerity on display here that elevates it above purely comical exercises like The Tripper

P.S. There is a tacked-on, probably reshot ending that is hokey and doesn't really fit with the rest of the film, but it does keep the tone from seesawing completely over to one side of the horror-comedy balance.

Scream 4 (2011)

A treat for horror fans, this 10-years-later sequel follows up on main characters, Sidney, Dewey, and Claire, who all happen to be in Woodsboro when a copycat Ghostface killer begins capping off local teens. The opening 5 minutes immediately set the tone for the rest of the film, with a plethora of meta cross-referencing, self-consciously false scares, and envelope pushing, genuinely surprising kills. Kevin Williamson, returning to the franchise after letting Wes Craven and Ehren Kruger nearly ruin the franchise with the yuck-yuck ridden Scream 3, brings the self-awareness of the originals full-circle with the entire cast, rather than just Randy, being in on the joke; the film gets a lot of tension out of the potential victims never being quite sure whether they are truly being stalked or being pranked by someone homaging the "Stab" series (the within-the-film adaptations of the "true" events of Woodsboro). The trends in modern horror are acknowledged, with one scene name dropping the majority of recent horror remakes, and the characters constantly debating whether they are in a sequel or a reboot (Williamson gets a great moment out of the line "Number one rule about remakes...don't fuck with the original.") Every time my date (or I) jumped out of her seat, it reminded me just how good Wes Craven's work can be when he's on point; there are many, many genuine surprise moments in the film, and they never feel tacked on, cheap, or desperate.

Like the originals, this one has an all-B+-star cast. Aside from returning leads, Neve Campbell, David Arquette, and Courtney Cox (who looks, and acts, terribly), Hayden Panetierre, Emma Roberts, Rory Culkin, Marley Shelton, Alison Brie, Anthony Anderson, Adam Brody, and Mary MacDonnell all have moderate-to-central roles (Panetierre, Shelton, and, surprisingly, Anderson are the most memorable). However, one of the highest compliments I can pay this entry is that it affirms, finally, that Sidney is ostensibly the heart and soul of this franchise. There is a scene where she tells a bereaved character "You know how people always say they know how you feel when they don't? I know how you feel." It would not work if her performance as Sidney had not been consistently immediate and real since the first film, and because of Campbell's repeated dedication to a role many other actresses would blow off as genre fluff, that moment, and a number of others like it (not to mention the otherwise-contrived scene in Scream 3 where she discovers the movie set version of her childhood home) are touching in a way not seen in many teen-centric horror films. When she used to land a kick or punch into the killer, keeping him off her, we used to laugh at the killer's klutziness; now, we cheer for Sid's undying survival skills. The attention given to her character, along with the relative fun of the aloof local teens (the film geeks, while obvious and overplayed, get their fair share of zingers), raise the film above the level of, not only its direct predecessor, but of a good amount of the original horror films of the past decade.

My qualms with the film are few, and far between, and they are mostly concerned with the treatment of Gale Weathers, the vaguely "reshot" look of the final scenes, and some of the shoehorned in film geek banter (Panetierre's "wannabe" film geek gets more pathos and humor than the "real-deals"). The tone, the scares, the laughs, the acting, the cameos, and the buildup are all top-notch, and make this a genuine rarity: a decade-plus later sequel that manages to not only capture, but expand on, the themes of the original.

Recommended for fans of the Scream franchise, or of more self-aware, "meta" (the word gets thrown around a lot, in jest) horror films. I was worried that, after 14 years, Williamson's self-aware jargon would be tired, pathetic, and out-of-touch. I stand, very gladly, corrected.

C.H.U.D. (1984)

Transcendent and fresh, this New York-set monster flick has a bunch of C.H.U.D. (Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers) breaking out of the Manhattan subways and bringing murderous carnage to the streets. We see several characters learning about, and dealing with, the eminent threat in various ways; the stalwart police chief attempting to bring it to the mayor's attention, the empathetic soup-kitchen worker (named "The Reverend") investigating his missing homeless familiars, and the seen-it-all photographer, who just wants to settle down with his girlfriend. I suppose I must credit the three not-yet-famous actors for supplanting this movie with a surprising amount of integrity: John Heard as the photographer, Daniel Stern as the disheveled humanist, and Christopher Curry as the Dennis-Franz-mustached cop (ok, two not-yet-famous actors). Along with Kim Griest as Heard's girlfriend, they render the potentially cheesy material to something strong and, dare I say it, human. The monsters themselves are not, particularly, terrifying; while they are shot in minimal, terse bursts, they do not prove as menacing as the city government that attempts to cover up the phenomenon. There is clever social commentary in how the C.H.U.D. only exist because the NYC mayor dumped toxic waste under the city streets; gentrification much? These elements are more than just filler and backstory, but provide a bulk of the movies substance, making it more nuanced and intelligent than your average mid-80's monster flick. That being said, there are gnarly deaths, some kick-ass make-up (a decapitated head, in particular, is impressively convincing), and a pretty terrific, tense climax. In the end, however, the low-budget renderings of the C.H.U.D. themselves ruin too many individual moments, and keep the film from being a true classic of the genre.

Recommended for fans of New York-set monster movies (this one was actually shot there, and it shows) or socially-conscious horror films in general; by the end, it's obvious that the political negligence, rather than the monsters themselves, is the true villain of the piece, not just a sideshow backstory.

John Carpenter's Village of the Damned (1995)

Tense, effective horror film about a small town that is host to a group of like-minded, grey-haired children that terrorize the town's adults. The film's structure is unconventional, beginning with a town-wide blackout that results in almost a dozen simultaneous pregnancies, and then tracking the pregnancies until the children are frightfully articulate pre-teens (some with personal briefcases). If the silliness of the premise does not turn one off, there is much moodiness on display here; the film has a slow, frightening, apocalyptic feeling that is absent from many similar horror films. This is primarily due to the efforts of Mr. Carpenter, who throws in interesting camera set-ups and iconic set pieces whenever he gets a chance (he's clearly a fan of The Omen). While his other 1995 film, In the Mouth of Madness, revolves around a Stephen King-type character, this is the more King-like film, with small town camaraderie going up against a mysterious, foreign entity that has sprung from, literally, in this case, their very loins. The success in mood can also be attributed to the surprisingly adept cast, which includes Christopher Reeve, Kirstie Alley, Mark Hamill(!), Michael Pare, and Carpenter regular Peter Jason; Reeve, in his last role before his crippling 1995 accident, is a surprisingly strong horror protagonist, standing out as his own character, while not betraying his role as the surrogate of the audience.

Recommended to fans of scary children horror films (this is one of the better ones, due to Carpenter's ability with kid actors), or of Mr. Carpenter, himself; while this is no Halloween or The Thing, it is stronger, if more conventional, than In the Mouth of Madness, which came out merely several months after this film.

The Crazies (2010)

Okay, but unneccessary remake of George Romero's classic '70s horror film about a town that experiences dementia en masse, and the containment crew sent in to eradicate them. Instead of painting a portrait of the whole town, this remake focuses almost purely on a group of four survivors, including Timothy Olyphant as the town Sheriff, Radha Mitchell as his pregnant wife, and Danielle Panabaker as a fragile high schooler. The tension is thus more subjective and personal, and less of a display of a multitude of terrifying situations as the first one was; this makes it more palatable for modern mainstream audiences, but robs the film of the originals ruthless distinction. The interplay between the survivors is above average for a horror movie, and the arc between Olyphant and his deputy actually proves kind of touching, but in the end, the movie is best when its showing the creepy ways in which the townspeople go coo coo. Breck Eisner knows what he's doing, as proven with this and Sahara, I just hope he gets a truly distinctive, original script to match his confidence and chops.

Slightly Recommended for diehard fans of the original or this modern wave of horror remakes. This is solid, but pretty unremarkable.

Piranha 3D (2010)

Filled to the brim with gore and nudity, this is a horror film that knows its audience, and wholeheartedly respects and indulges what they are there to see. The plot is Jaws, straight-up: a lakeside community discovers killer piranha in their waters the same week as the yearly town-driving spring break. Elizabeth Shue is Roy Scheider (complete with an homage to the shot where he sees the dead boy), Adam Scott is Richard Dreyfus (who, himself, cameos in the intro), and Ving Rhames ends up as Quint, in more ways than one. The protagonist is Shue's teenage son, who gets involved with a Girls Gone Wild-type video crew to win over a prospective girlfriend; this is all stock horror filler material, but it actually proves entertaining, due in no small part to the crude presentation of the crew (including Jerry O'Connell and Paul Scheer) as lecherous, near-psychotic perverts. But the best appearance in the film belongs to Christopher Lloyd, explaining the impossibility of these ancient fish appearing in the lake with 1.21 jigawatts of his trademark energetic delivery; the filmmakers confidently set up a sequel where he may get a larger role, and that is definitely a motivator to follow this franchise. The fish carnage is bountiful and wonderfully over-the-top, but the films tight budget shows in some fuzzy, shaky gore shots. The films greatest achievement is its simultaneous self-awareness and genuine horror tension; the laughs and scares come at an equal ratio, making for a fun, breezy horror film that nails, as the critics have said, the mood that films like Snakes on a Plane have been shooting for for years.

Highly Recommended for horror buffs, or anyone else who loves gore or boobies or Christopher Lloyd (basically everyone, right?).

Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever (2008)

An alright, but deeply flawed sequel to Eli Roth's dastardly original that keeps a high school prom full of people in an infected area. The intro, like the one in Hostel Part II, fills in the details as to the fate of the previous films protaganist (let's just say Rider Strong does not deserve really top billing), and then we meet our real protagonist, a high schooler with a crush on his lifelong friend and a Clark Duke acting-and-looking sidekick, who is admittedly a fairly funny character. The evil water that capped the kids in the first one is bottled and shipped out to a local high school about to have its senior prom (don't drink the punch!!). It's not the freshest material I've ever seen, but director Ti West, following up his phenomenal House of the Devil, turns this for-hire gig into a showcase for some hilarious visuals and surprisingly straight moments; it's never achieves the same level of utter claustrophobic terror the first one did, but it is significantly better than your average DTV horror sequel (the From Dusk Till Dawn ones remain the best). One of the better choices in the film was to give the deputy character, played by Giuseppe Andrews, more of a presence throughout, and he has several terrific hick-humor scenes with some hilarious people (including Mark Borchardt!). It's really the abrupt, and terribly out of place, ending that sinks the movie; I believe Ti West was fired at some point for some reason, and it shows in the way the film quickly wraps things up and then has a pointless epilogue that seems to just be there to kill time. It hurts, because up until that point the film was in the makings to be a fairly legit sequel, taking the original's set up into a fresh direction, instead of basically a really cool Masters of Horror episode (which I think Ti West is more than capable of). I am definitely still very impressed by his handling of tension and gore, and his next film, with more creative control, will hopefully be more sure of itself and original.

Slightly Recommended to fans of the original and predictable, but fun horror films; this is not as good as Feast, a somewhat similar film I've reviewed recently, or the original, but it has enough original touches and over-the-top gore visuals to make it fairly fun for horror buffs.

The Road (2009)

Somber, gut-wrenching drama about a father and his son wandering a post-apocalyptic wasteland in search of food, warmth, and other "good guys." The cataclysm that wiped out humanity is not specified, but the whole world is covered in a grey, volcanic ash, implying either war or atmospheric depletion or both; either way it is incredibly dark and depressing, constantly. Viggo Mortensen is the determined father, who, in narration, confides to us that he is aware that he is close to death, and is being very particular about the legacy he leaves for his pre-teen son. Many of the remaining survivors have given into cannibalism, and so the father-son is aware that they cannot trust anyone except themselves (this leads to several tense encounters with seemingly benign strangers). My favorite stretch of the film involves flashbacks to before, and during, the world-ending catastrophe, with Viggo and the boy's mother (Charlize Theron) going from a happily married couple to a pair of nearly-insane, desperate parents; Theron's performance in this brief section ranks among the best work I've ever seen from her, and easily makes the biggest impression of the supporting characters (although Robert Duvall's appearance warrants mention). The subject matter lends itself well to the dark, apocalyptic imagery, which is more Fallout 3 than I Am Legend in its wastelands and burnt, grey and brown landscapes. John Hillcoat uses the same nihilistic tone (and composers, Nick Cave and Warren Ellis) that fueled his masterpiece, The Proposition, and it helps to achieve a sort of melancholy that few filmmakers can successfully maintain for the duration of a picture. In the end, the whole thing does not amount to much; because the film opts not to go the I Am Legend rote by throwing in third-act twists, and gratefully so, the narrative just sort of sputters out without any real finality. But as a portrait of a post-apocalyptic landscape and the loss of humanity that comes with it, it is slightly more successful than I Am Legend, but has more of its own unique identity.

Recommended for fans of post-apocalyptic goodies like Mad Max or A Boy and his Dog or Viggo, who turns in typically professional work. This did not blow me off my candy ass the way The Proposition did, but I do not expect Mr. Hillcoat to find a more riveting story for his signature slow-burn than that film had in the near future.

Zombie (1979)

Boring zombie outbreak movie with a voodoo twist that cannot find a story to justify the great zombie death scenes. The plot starts in New York, as a few zombies attack offshore boats, leading several people to an island where the zombie epidemic is beginning. The decision to leave New York, which is actually used decently well for a foreign production, and take these main characters, who are dull, poorly written and acted, and have no emotional investment from the audience, to an island where they are the only potential victims is a mistake that kills any momentum the film achieves on sheer ingenuity, such as the scene where a zombie eats a shark underwater. The deaths are well designed, as in Fulci's The Beyond, but, like that film, they are the momentary breathers squeezed in between a lifeless, tedious narrative. The shoddy special effects in these scenes (most evident in a dummy head that gets impaled) would be okay if the rest of the film did not take itself so seriously and melancholy and embraced, like the best Argento films do, the pulpy, larger-than-life aspects of the story.

Skip it, save for zombie film nuts that just HAVE to see that movie where that zombie eats that shark...that was me, hee hee.

P.S. The best scenes (zombies crossing the brooklyn bridge, zombie vs. shark, eye piercing) can all be found on youtube to save the hour and a half. THAT is highly recommended.

Halloween II (1981)

Solid, if rudimentary follow-up to the original that takes place immediately after the events of the first one. Jamie Lee, wounded and catatonic, is hauled off to the local hospital while Dr. Loomis tries to explain to the locals that, although he fired 6 rounds into his chest, Michael Myers is still at large. This is the one where they actually explained that Jamie Lee is Myers' long lost sister, and that's why he keeps incessantly killing everyone around her in an attempt to end the sibling rivalry. Because she's mentally out to lunch, and Loomis takes a hefty chunk of the screentime to figure out Myers motives, we are basically treated to a retread of the first movie, with a new group of citizens, this time both young and old, being tormented by the man in the Shatner mask in various macabre ways. Slasher cliches abound, but, surprisingly, they are directed with a sort of engaging visual flair; in terms of maintaining suspense, this one rivals the first. However, the new characters are not that engaging and are basically lambs lined up for the slaughter, and the plot, without the momentum of being surprised by Myers evil ways, often drags and loses cohesion. By the time Laurie and Mr. Pleasance are back in tag team mode, enough stooges have came and went that you wonder whether they really did need to make another movie about that same exact night. But alas, how many horror sequels are derived with even the slightest hint of ingenuity, even ones with the same writers as the original...although I kind of like H20 better than this one, if only because the character of Laurie is actually involved in the plot.

Recommended for fans of Halloween or other similar early-'80s slasher flicks. Oh, and John Carpenter, the composer, actually added some bomb-ass expansions on the traditional Halloween theme. Wasn't expecting that.

Shutter Island (2010)

Really nifty, haunting tale that zigzags wonderfully until its original plot, involving two U.S. Marshals' search for a missing mental patient, becomes lost in the shuffle. Leonardo DiCaprio and Mark Ruffalo play the two marshals, who trek to Shutter Island, a high-security island habitat for murderous and violent criminals, in search of a missing woman who allegedly killed her children. Ben Kingsley and Max Von Sydow run the establishment, which requires the marshals to sacrifice their guns and, arguably, their freedom during the duration of their investigation. DiCaprio's reasons for being there are sheisty, as is his mental state, which is exacerbated by the surroundings of the island. All of this is pretense, and the movie takes its pulpy plot and juices the pulp out of it until it has reached Twilight Zone-level proportions of provocative parable. It is a joy to stare at Scorcese's German expressionism-influenced frames, looking at the fringes for some validation of what is real and what is imagined. The casting is brilliant, with recognizable faces peppering the film with very showy, big performances; Kingsley and Jackie Earle Haley, as a particularly mangled patient, are note-perfect in their sideshow roles. DiCaprio turns in a strong performance, second only to his in The Departed, but the nature of the character requires a great deal of introspection and internal conflict, so for the most part, we are left out of his interior character, but are still quite intrigued. Ruffalo is also typically likable, and Michelle Williams dominates her flashbacks as DiCaprio's departed wife. The dialogue is appropriately stylized and kitchy, and the pacing of the film, opening with the two leads' approach to the island, is perfect.

Highly Recommended to fans of Scorcese (all 8 of you out there), haunting cerebral thillers, and madhouse freakshows a la Freaks. This is a love it or hate it film, and I must say, I adore this side of Scorcese far more than his Departed/Gangs of New York side. This is more akin to Taxi Driver, and I'm very glad he found it in him to create a perfect portrait of insanity once more.

The Wolfman (2010)

Lame, uneventful turd of a monster movie despite a game, if underused cast, a hefty bounty of Gothic gore, and an absolutely kickass Rick Baker Wolfman design. The retarded plot is as follows: Benicio is Lawrence Talbot (I'm immediately calling bullshit...Talbot? He's clearly Puerto Rican), an Englishman who gained an American accent on the stage while becoming a popular actor (huh?), who returns home in search of his missing brother only to be bitten by the same presumed werewolf that offed brodre. The presuming transformation, emprisonment, escape, love, and fight scenes are all fairly rote, save a bit in a macabre sanitarium and some genuinely shocking and intense werewolf feasts that reminded me of the "Dinner is served" scene in From Dusk Till Dawn. The direction is all over the place, and the departure of original director Mark Romanek mere weeks before shooting is clearly evident, as paradoxes plague the movie's style like...a fucking plague. So much can't be said for the script, which is just...dead. The dialogue, characterizations, scenarios, and resolutions are all complete and utter dogshit, reeking of uninspired and uncreative people holding the pens (hint: probably not WGA members). But god, Rick Baker is really the fucking man; his wolfman design for Del Toro is easily his best work since Planet of the Apes. It's expressive, but that's not Benicio, that's a fucking monster, and a scary one to even look at. The film earned my respect every minute Baker's work was on display, but not much elsewhere.

Only for fans of Rick Baker and gory, expensive Gothic horror. Benicio, Anthony Hopkins, and Hugo Weaving have underwritten roles not worth witnessing; Emily Blunt is, as her name implies, dead weight. Kind of a pointless film.

The House of the Devil (2009)

Excellent, deliberately-paced horror film about a shady babysitting job in the middle of the woods. Trailers give away too much of the plot, which involves a young female college student taking the mysterious job, despite her friend's insistence, to pay her rent. The film is, indeed, a horror film, but the suspense and tension are more ample than the gore; director Ti West knows that the knowledge of what could happen, or what might be happening, is far more terrifying than anything you actually see happen. There are long sequences where seemingly nothing of consequence happens, save for false starts and misconceptions. These sequences are made extremely tense through a deft professional touch by West, who I expect will never top this ambitious, personal piece. The acting is far superior to normal low-budget genre fare; special props must be given to The Reaper himself, Tom Noonan, who, even after nearly 30 years in horror films, can still, unlike, say, Udo Kier, register as mysterious and interesting. The set of the house is terrifying in its normality; we are aware of every piece of the frame that is out of place, and that attention to detail is unfortunately atypical of modern horror filmmakers. If I have one complaint, it is that West, as the editor, shows his cards a little too early, and makes several reveals obvious to us before our protagonist. But she catches up quickly, and the film pays off the suspense quite satisfactorily.

Highly Recommended to fans of '80s horror (soundtrack includes InXS and The Greg Kihn Band), or well-made suspense films; this has more in common with Hitchcock than one would infer from the title.

Alone in the Dark (1982)

Disposable early-80's horror film featuring Jack Palance and Martin Landau as two evangelical mental patients who escape and embark on a vengeful murder spree to avenge their former doctor. The story revolves around their new doctor, a boring-as-wood bespectacled fop played by Dwight Schultz from the A-Team, who gets terrorized by the psychos once they suspect him, for whatever reason, of killing his predecessor. This stale fuck ruins the movie; like the worst horror films, the filmmakers think that the audience will be lost without a surrogate, and contrast the madness of the Oscar-winning nutjobs with D-grade domestic drama, and it repeatedly makes one lose interest. However, the film has enough tense and freaky scenes to keep one interested, but that is the films cheap ploy; this is an early New Line production, and they were known, back then, for their schlocky tendencies and their somewhat-exploitative energy, on display here in multiple gratuitous death and sex scenes. The main cast, no strangers to having to emote in B-movie dreck, holds up. Donald Pleasance plays another doctor of the nutbars, and he is as comfortable as ever playing a nonsense character in a nonsense movie. Palance and Landau are creepy, especially the latter as his evil psycho side is less familiar, and all the more unsettling with the notion that he could, at any moment, snap out of it, but doesn't. Every time he screams, belts out scripture, or murders somebody, it is startling and effective, and that attests to the underappreciated talents of Landau. But the supporting cast, the tepid direction (outside the horror stuff), and the dogshit script keep the film from being anything else than a decent diversion.

Slightly Recommended to hardcore fans of early 80's horror (a la New Line's early output). A casual viewing of this one would be best, as Dwight Schultze's bits really make one lose interest in between the cool death scenes.

Count Dracula (1970)

Decent reinterpretation of Bram Stoker's classic, with Christopher Lee turning in a characteristically great Dracula. Herbert Lom is a strong, wise Professor Van Helsing, and Klaus Kinski is a raving, yet surprisingly deep Renfield. Maria Rohm is a gorgeous Mina, and thoroughly fits in her Victorian environment in a way Winona Ryder and Sadie Frost struggled to. The story follows basically the same beats as the novel, however here, Jonathan returns to London before the Count, warning his loved ones; this deflates much of the tension of the Count's nefarious intentions, and makes the film more of a traditional cat-and-mouse tale than a detective story.

The production value, scripting, and direction are all standard rate for an early 70's B-movie. The sets are often stagey, the effects become obvious and gratutious by the end, and the supporting players are as stiff as surfboards. However, the central players do much to sustain ones interest in this juvenile rehashing of the classic saga; aside from Lee, Lom and Kinski turn in performances far more sophisticated and professional than the production warrants. It is not enough to make the film

Only for fans of Christopher Lee, Dracula films, and bad 70s cinema. For me, this was a good casual late night flick.

Lifeforce (1985)

Pretty badass, if nichey Sci-Fi click about an alien vampiress/zombie/plague carrier, and her unfortunate relationship with her enslaved human mate as he tries to hunt her down. The cast is mostly unknowns, with only the lead, The Stunt Man's Steven Railsback and Patrick Stewart having any familiarity with me. The performances are servicable, with particular mention going to Peter Firth's stalwart soldier, Caine. Tobe Hooper, director of Texas Chainsaw Massacre I and II, has a filthy fucking blast mixing genres in a way that makes the central threat become, ostensibly, having your soul sucked out through your mouth by a gorgeous, naked brunette. The plot, as it unravels, has lots of fun providing you with a lot of familiar or archetypal scenes, often with a different outcome or intention than one you were expecting. In this sense the film does not achieve much; there is not nearly enough original about it to be a true work of art, but what it does, it does well. The scares are intense, the effects are reminiscent of, but superior to those of Hooper's Poltergeist, and the plot is just convoluted enough to be simultaneously self-awarely goofy and provocative; there are many parallels provided in the slave and the demonesses relationship, and their passionate pseudo-sex scene, along with Railsback's intensity throughout, make this dynamic more unique than the traditional vampire-victim relationship.

Recommended for fans of Hooper, sci-fi/horror, or '80s movies with names like LIFEFORCE. The mere fact that the blue, luminescent "lifeforce" of a human is the prize of contention here makes this at least somewhat worthwhile, right? Actually, when you put it like that...I guess you need the stomach for it. But if you do, and this pops up on cable, peep it for a bit, see how it sticks.

The Omen (2006)

Decent remake of far superior horror classic. Gregory Peck and Lee Remick are replaced here by Liev Schreiber and Julia Stiles...not quite as classy, but still dependable. The script leaves more to be desired. The dialogue is boring and unmemorable, and the melodrama hinges on very stupid decisions and actions by the characters, save for Stiles' sympathetic troubled mother routine. The best parts here are updates from the original: crazy, coincidence-laden death scenes, the use of London and Rome as evocative locations, and, of course, the powerful, gut-wrenching subject matter. Another highlight of this film is the always-adorable Mia Farrow as the satanic Ms. Blaylock; the eldest cast member seems to have the most fun, and it is because she is thoroughly in on the joke that she is playing, essentially, her Rosemary character several years down the line. Her scenes are genuinely creepy, and not due to elements directly lifted from the original.

Skip it...watch the original instead. As much as I like some of these actors and scenes, they are all far surpassed by their 1976 counterparts. Pointless remake.

Trick 'r Treat (2008)

Above-average horror movie slightly in the vein of Creepshow, but more freeform than that films strictly anthological content. This one concerns a number of concurrent freaky activities going on in and around a small town on All Hallows Eve. Gore abounds, and the wit is heavy on subverting expectations. Still, there is an emptiness throughout that cheapens the whole endeavor; a sideshow can entertain, but it is still a sideshow.

Recommended for horror fans, especially fans of Creepshow, Tales from the Darkside, and other like minded flicks.

P.S. Anna Paquin plays a virgin who encounters a vampire at one point. Slightly southern accent on her too. Mega-confusing...I kept waiting for Stephen Moyer to yell "UNHAND HER!" and save the day. But alas...

The Children (2008)

Scary British horror flick about some psycho ass kids that turn on their parents. The set-up is a tad long and the characters aren't as distinctive as one would like, which kills replay value, but there are quite a few scenes where tension is held for an admirably long time for a modern horror film. The scary kid imagery is very well done amidst a snowy backdrop, and the few outbursts of violence are exceptionally well executed. And the female lead is not only fairly credible, she's absolutely adorable and dressed in a comically revealing outfit for much of the movie.

Best film of its kind since the Descent. But like the Descent, I have absolutely no desire to see it again, save maybe a scene or two on television. That being said, the child violence is really exemplary.